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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But then, I get this wild idea. I’m like, “Screw it! I’m takin’ a break.” I grab my hat and head out. The vibe is electric! I’m dancin’ with strangers on Rehov HaRishonim, and it feels amazing. I even bump into this old lady, and she’s like, “You got moves, young man!” I’m blushing, but also, I’m like, “You should see me with a barrel!”

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